Wednesday, June 18, 2014

9 Unrealistic Things We See In Almost Every Movie

For this list, we are covering just a few of many unrealistic things we see in every movie.  While there are many movie cliches, the following are among the most unreasonable to us.

#1 Taking a beating. Can you imagine getting punched in the face by the rock? In movies these days people get mercilessly punched like 20 times right in the face, and then 10 minutes later they are fine. Have you ever been punched? I got punched in the face by someone on accident once, and it sliced up my face, bled like crazy, and hurt a ton. The sore stayed for about a month. I am thinking that one punch in the face by the rock may kill you. It doesn't matter how tough you are, your face bones will still get crunched.

#2 Keeping the car keys in the visor. Does anyone do this? Who has done this? First of all, who hides their keys in the car at all? In so many movies, people in a bind find keys in this overhead visor, and it makes no sense. It is more unlikely than the "10 second car hotwire" counterpart.

#3 Not continually using the one really effective method. Remember in Avengers when Thor called down lightning and destroyed an entire alien spaceship? Why didn't he keep doing that the rest of the time? Why didn't Batman keep punching Bane in the face mask? Why didn't Godzilla open with the radioactive breath? Why doesn't Optimus Prime always use his sword? Why don't they pull the sword out immediately on Pacific Rim? Why didn't Superman snap Zod's neck a lot earlier? Of course the answer is, "then they would all be dumb movies."

#4 Opening eyes under salt water. I understand that this is a learnable skill. People who are around the ocean a lot can get to the point where this is easy. But for someone who has never been in the ocean, this stings like crazy. Even in a bind, I don't think people are going to do this successfully. Having it happen on accident is painful enough. However, we see people do this regularly in movies with no problem.

#5 Attractive people in small po-dunk towns. I am not saying this is impossible, but have you been to a tiny pass-through town lately? There are no Josh Duhamels or Juliane Houghs there. And there aren't even any brilliant, attractive physicist women that look like Natalie Portman either (talking about you Thor). In fact, in real life, it is usually an old, bearded man who has a crocodile bite out of his calf and very few teeth. This reality makes it a little less desirable to go live in one of those ocean view fishing towns doesn't it?

#6 Bad guys with an endless supply of cronies and resources. The Dark Knight? Skyfall? The Dark Knight Rises? Iron Man 3? Mission Impossible 1-4? Die Hard parts 1-5? In almost every movie these days, the villain is sinister, wealthy, and has hundreds of friends on the same page as them. Honestly, if someone had that much money in real life, they would probably just be enjoying it. And how are they finding so many people to go along with their schemes while they are clearly murdering half of them without caring? Even for lots of money, I don't feel like most people would be down with following Bane in blowing up the very city they are in with a nuke.

#7 Speaking another language without an accent. So I lived in Japan for a few years and learned Japanese about as well as someone could in that amount of time. This was just about the most difficult thing I have ever accomplished. But, given even 15 more years in Japan working on fluency, I would still sound so American that it isn't even funny. Sorry Tom Cruise, I don't care what kind of training you went through, you are not passing for a bonified Russian general at the Kremlin. I believe his fluency, but I don't believe passing for a native unless he started learning as a kid in Russia 30 years ago.

#8 Knocking people out. In movies, knocking someone unconscious is as easy as lightly tapping them on the back. This is a fine balance with the earlier punching one. You can beat someone senseless in a movie and still have them be fine, and then whack the next guy on the head with a gun, and they will pass out for as long as you need them to with no serious repercussions. Getting pistol whipped in a movie is an automatic KO that will last about 15 minutes, and the damage will go away with the shake of a head. This happens to someone in almost every episode of Lost. So, if you need to get away, but don't want to seriously injure anybody, simply take the butt of your gun, and hit them square between the shoulders. It sends them into a light, peaceful cat nap.

#9 The hero is invincible. If someone gave me a machine gun, and told me to shoot someone that was about 30 feet away, I would just wave it all around shooting, and probably kill the person. I am no gun expert, but those guns shoot a lot of bullets per minute, and not all of them are going to hit a railing. All I'm saying is that if you really want to kill the protagonist with a machine gun, I think it could happen pretty quickly. The main protagonist is just always really fast at running though, so I guess it makes sense.

Check out some of our other cliche lists below:

9 MORE Unrealistic Things We See In Almost Every Movie - Click Here

9 Things We See In Almost Every Romance Movie - Click Here

15 Things We See In Almost Every Disaster Movie - Click Here

9 Nicholas Sparks Movie Cliches - Click Here

9 Action Movie Cliches - Click Here

9 Sports Movie Cliches - Click Here

Do you agree or disagree? What did we leave out? Let us know at